You may be thinking of someone whom you are not speaking to. Or, there may be someone who has decided that they are not speaking to you. You may have neighbors with whom you are feuding. Or, you may be blessed with none of these, but know people who aren't so blessed. Are these fights simply a normal part of life, and relatively harmless?
What does Judaism think?
No. Even the most harmless fight has the potential to be a disaster. I would go even further, and say that every harmless fight is a hidden disaster. The emotional stress and spiritual damage of negative feelings and emotions can prevent us from having the greatest days of our lives.
Think about that! Today might be the greatest day of my life. I have the potential to write that song that's gotta go platinum. But instead, I let the Volvo that cut me off on the highway ruin my mood, destroy my creativity, and kill the greatest day of my life. Think about that.
Even more, when one starts fighting with another, all sense of proportion gets lost. Rare is the person who has enough self-control to fight in the "limited" mode. The Torah tells us of the fight between the "son of the Israelite woman," and the Israelite man. It leads to the former publicly cursing the Name (uttering a blasphemy). In other words, he lost total control of himself and committed a grievous sin.
Now, what was their fight about? Not surprisingly, the Torah does not tell us. Wow! How true are God's words! Almost every fight people have is over a relative non-issue. Even if, in the moment, it is of great importance, once it has caused a fight, the fight takes over. Nothing else matters, and fights can last for decades after the cause has been completely forgotten.
That's why the Torah does not tell us what the fight was about, because that does not matter very much. What matters is the fact that they were fighting. That's what led everything downhill. That's what caused this man to lose total control.
In the aftermath, God teaches the laws of someone who utters blasphemy. Not only that, He includes the laws of damages, when one human being damages the person or property of another. Why is that included? Because when one loses control in a verbal fight, it can easily become physical as well. All boundaries are erased.
How many headlines screaming about family tragedies, when a fight about the television set leads to a murder, do we have to read before we learn this lesson?
Stop fighting! There is absolutely nothing worth it. If you have been hurt by another human being, it's completely legitimate to walk away and disengage. Very often it is the best course of action. If you can firmly state your case, so that you know that you have stood your ground, and then refused to allow it to become a fight, you have done well. What is even better, is to reconcile at the appropriate time.
"Do not appease a man at the time of his anger," says Jewish tradition. This teaches us the danger of fighting. If you try to appease someone when they are furious, even though you are trying to do a good thing, it will further inflame the situation. This is simply fighting by other means, applying sugar to a wound, which hurts also. The best thing is to state your case, disengage, allow some time to pass, let things calm down, and then consider how to reconcile.
Let us summarize with the words of the sages: "Always be a disciple of Aaron. Love peace, pursue peace, love all people and bring them close to Torah."
